I have been thinking a lot lately about disappointment. Sounds a little depressing when I re-read that sentence, but trust me you won’t need any Kleenex after reading this blog. 🙂 One of my BIG issues I worked on when I was on The Biggest Loser was disappointment. It wasn’t featured a ton, but it was the biggest piece of my puzzle. See, you all know by now how type A I am by nature, and to my detriment I can be pretty controlling. Ah, control….well, I tried to control everything (which is impossible) and it got me to 284lbs at my highest. In my mind I always convinced myself that by keeping such tight control of things I was being “productive” & “driven”. Ha. Ha. Ha. It was a very candid conversation with Bob Harper that really turned my thinking around. He simply said, “You spend so much time and effort trying to keep all these balls in the air…what would happen if you let one of them drop?”. I will tell you that even hearing him say those words made me sweat! Let a ball DROP? That is enough stress to drive me to eating a whole sheet cake alone, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that if I dropped a ball the earth would still turn & I would not die. He challenged me to really spend some time thinking about that concept. As I began to dig into this issue I will tell you that I couldn’t for the life of me come up with a reason why I feared letting go. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks….well, actually that ton of bricks happened to come in the form of Jillian Michaels. She simply said, “Honey, you can’t let go of control because you are terrified of disappointment.” Um, WHAT?? In that moment it became very clear. She was right…I was afraid of disappointment. You know in cartoons when the light bulb turns on…it was like that. I avoided really putting my self out there in my career, relationships, & really life itself to avoid being disappointed. The biggest area where this manifested was in my struggle with weight loss. Don’t get me wrong…I was always on a diet, but I NEVER really tried because that way if I failed it was because I did it half way & wouldn’t be disappointed. In my mind disappointment = weakness & failure. Whew….that’s a mouthful.
Have I fixed all this? I’ll say that I have made HUGE strides, but it’s a work in progress. I find myself at times trying to control things & I have to step back and adjust. The joy in that is the awareness…it’s half the battle right? Also, I look at disappointment in a very different way. I no longer fear it…do I like it…no, but who does? That being said I look at disappointment as an opportunity to overcome. If I set a goal & fall flat on my face…I allow myself to take a moment & be disappointed, but then get up brush myself off & set a new goal. You know why? Well, if you fall or fail the earth keeps on turning & you won’t die. Trust me…Bob said so. By getting up it gives you one more chance to achieve, and I just love that.
Do you struggle with disappointment? How do you overcome? Let’s chat about it in the comments! 🙂